My title is a lyric from Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North. I heard this song on the radio today and remembered how much I love it.
Today, I helped my mom's friend print out the envelopes that I designed yesterday. While sitting in his office at his church I got to thinking about my calling. I'm called to be a youth pastor and have envisioned my youth group many times. I know what I'd call it, what it would look like and I can picture tons of kids being there. I've kind of given up on this dream. At times I regret that, but I don't feel like I've come to a place in my life where this is possible and attainable.
What does God have in store for me? I don't know. I'm not sure I even know where to go from here. We're going to Cathedral Sunday night to hear Nate preach, maybe I'll have an epiphany.
I finished reading Split today. It was really good. It had me thinking about hurt kids and what I can do to be there for them. More to do with my calling. What's your plan God? What do you want me to do? I'm lost here. I tried to do youth at Valley Spring. It definitely was not what you had planned. So now I'm sitting back and waiting till I feel the moment is right. I'm getting impatient. I'm sick of so-called fake Christians messing with everything and mucking up what Christianity is supposed to be. What happened to reaching people? Why are we not helping all these hurting youth in our city? In our world?
Ok this is a bit of a different post than usual. Sorry. I'm just sort of typing out my thoughts. This is what this is for anyway right?
That's it for today. I'm tired. Going to bed. See you tomorrow! Oh an I'm reading Dark Prince, the book for my book club. If I finish it in the next two days, that will be twelve books for February! :)
Current Book Count: 23
Today is "Let Yourself Off the Hook Day." Take a break from feeling of guilt, inadequacy, and obligation.
(Um so this totally just went along with my whole post....weird. *chills*)